For When You Want to Get Away

Lately I have been desperately wanting a break. A break from waking up early, a break from chores, a break from my kids, a break from writing, and a break from thinking. It seems there is no time or place to find that truly quiet space where I can gather my thoughts and recharge my mind. I love my family and I dread missing out on valuable time with them. But lately I’ve just wanted to escape to a Caribbean island, allowing the sun to warm my body and staring out at the beautiful blue water, immersing myself in peace.


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But then I think about how if I were actually there, by myself, finally able to quiet my mind, I would just end up thinking about how much I miss those crazy kids.

So, then, if a Caribbean getaway isn’t the solution to calming my mind, then what is?

Now that I am well into my years as a mom, I understand so much more about why my own mom did things. I understand why she needed those catnaps in the afternoon or why she rested on the couch after dinner was over. I understand why she sometimes had to say no when I asked her to play with me. I understand why she got worried or frazzled by so many things. Like me, she too was overwhelmed and frustrated and tired. She, too, had too many things to do in a short amount of time. But unlike me, I never, ever, heard her complain about being tired. She just went and lied down.  I never heard her complain that she had to cook dinner, she just did it. I never heard her complain that she wanted to be by herself, she just accepted that her kids were always with her (or she dropped us off at grandma’s house!).   

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The truth is things are the way they are. I could continue to fight them and be miserable, or I could wake up every morning and accept them, accept that I have young kids and they are going to test my limits, accept that I am tired and decide to do the best I can anyway, and accept that my duties right now are those of a stay-home mom, to take care of the house and the food and the errands. I could accept that all of these things are sometimes a little bit harder because I am a military wife (okay, a lot harder!), and remember my faith that there is a bigger plan, a good plan, for all of the challenges I face in my life.

If, for now, my Caribbean paradise is five short minutes in the car as I drive to the grocery store, or just one chapter of the book I’ve been trying to read for months, I’ll take it. With fewer complaints and the right perspective, my getaway can be much closer than it seems.     

Who Knew the First Lady was a Comedian?

Last night, I had the privilege of attending an event at which the First Lady of the Marine Corps, Mrs. Bonnie Amos, spoke to military wives about what she feels are the most important aspects of being a military wife. When she began speaking her voice was sweet and dainty, leading me to believe this woman, who has made it nearly forty-two years as a military wife, surely has never yelled or thrown fits about the trials of military life. But I soon learned that the Commandant’s wife is no different from the rest of us military wives who have our fair share of complaints about life in the military.

Within the first few minutes of her speech, Mrs. Amos had the crowd laughing hysterically. She is one funny woman! She talked about the time she met her husband and joked about how, at first sight, she really didn’t like him at all. It wasn’t until he walked into the bank where she worked and asked her out that she willingly accepted, but only if he would pay to take her roommate along as well. She told us he agreed, and then shocked us all when she said, “Here’s this guy thinking he’s going to have a ménage a trois!”

She continued on with her speech, creating laughter in the audience all along the way. She talked about how she threw a temper tantrum every time her husband got orders and they had to move. She admitted that she threw tantrums upon leaving the old house and arriving at the new house, all the while saying, “This is the last time I am doing this!” There is no doubt that a sense of relief came over many of us in the audience knowing that even the Commandant’s wife has had her share of hissy fits throughout her time as a military wife. Upon talking about her grandchildren, Mrs. Amos told us that we might soon see the youngest one’s name in the newspaper because they plan on sending him to prison, at which time she playfully rolled her eyes at the thought of how unruly the child is. One would expect a child’s own mother to joke about this, but for the grandmother to be saying it was especially funny because usually grandmothers think their grandkids can do no wrong!

When the time came for questions at the end, one girl asked how she has made her marriage work for almost forty-two years. Her initial reply was, “I’m very sexy.” You can imagine our amusement hearing these words come from this sweet little lady! In response to the same question, she also talked about the importance of saying “I’m sorry” and asking forgiveness, humorously noting “even though he should have been the one to say it first.” Even after forty-one plus years of marriage, the woman still understands the idiosyncrasies of living with a man, especially an ego-driven Marine!

In addition to the humor, Mrs. Amos also spoke more seriously about the aspects of being a military wife. Specifically, she talked about having a career as a military spouse. She used her own career path as an example, stating that despite her managing experience she was forced to take an administrative assistant job at one point because that’s all she could find. But because of her willingness to take that job, she eventually worked her way up to a managing position for a real-estate company. The message she emphasized to us was how important it is to be adaptable and flexible when it comes to a job. She told us to discover what it is we can do, as basic as it might seem, but “be flexible as you go along the way.”

Another point that was made, something which resonated with me, is that our deepest learning comes from the hard times. Mrs. Amos emphasized the importance of friendships, the people we meet, and the connections we make. Sometimes the reason we are connected with certain people is because of the difficulties we are facing. In the midst of struggle, we find them or they find us, and we learn a great deal from them. She also stressed the importance of becoming involved with other military wives and with events or organizations in the military community. Not only do we meet others who could potentially become best friends, we also have the chance to make a difference. The First Lady said that she didn’t become very involved with the wives community until her husband was already a Lieutenant Colonel, but once she did she realized how much she had been missing. Now, she said her favorite part of the military lifestyle is the wives she meets along the way.

Everything Mrs. Amos said touched me deeply, as it is only natural to heed the wisdom of someone who has been through so many years as a military wife. But the most poignant advice Mrs. Amos gave, for me, came when I raised my hand during the question segment and asked what things helped her to pick herself back up and keep going when life got tough. She told me it was her faith and spirituality, and “Knowing that the reason we are in this position is because God has put us here.” My eyes filled with tears as she spoke because that is exactly the thing which gets me through my hard times. I can whine and complain and have a tantrum all I want, but that doesn’t change anything. I can’t change anything. The only way to get by when life gets overwhelming is to trust that God has put me here for a reason. This is his plan for me and there is a greater purpose for this way of life that I may not yet be able to see. I felt so blessed to have heard those words coming from the First Lady of the Marine Corps, a woman who knows more than anyone what it is like to be a military wife.

When the evening was over, I was filled with inspiration and motivation. I was reassured of the plan for my position as a military wife. I rediscovered the reason why I really do love being a military wife. I felt as though I could get through anything the military threw at me. I thought that if this wonderful woman could make it through all those years as a military wife, then so could I. When I got home, I told my husband that if he happened to be chosen for Commandant someday, I think I would be okay with it. He laughed, but I meant it. However far God decides to send us on this adventure, I will follow.

I am humbly grateful to Mrs. Amos, for sharing her inspiration and wisdom, and for the great laughs. She has no doubt left a footprint on my heart.

 

31 Days of Peace, Day 21

The Silent Voice

For the past week or so, I have been having some very vivid dreams. Some of them are strange, while others seem to be a simple reflection of the things which have been occurring in my life. But one of my most recent dreams was different. This dream spoke to me, sending a message about something I have been trying to figure out in my mind. This dream gave me an answer.

I was talking to someone in the dream, whom I do not recall, but I do know that it was someone I knew well and what I was saying was something I felt very passionately about. The words I spoke went as follows: “It’s not how much you know, it’s what you do with the things you do know that matters.” Though in reality my mind was asleep, inside my dream these words were pulling at my heart and I was eager to make sure the other person heard my message.

When I awoke in the morning, I considered what I had said in my dream. I wondered where it had come from. Questioning whether I may have read a quote on the internet and it was stored in my subconscious, I Googled the quote. I found some things which are similar, but nothing which was exact and certainly nothing I had actually read beforehand. What I find especially exciting about this message is that it seems to have been made specifically for me.

I have been thinking a lot lately about my future career path and the knowledge I have. I wonder if what I already know is good enough for the path I want to take. I wonder if what I know is good enough for anyone after being a stay-home mom for more than five years. I think about how much information is in the world and how much more I could potentially learn. I wonder if I will ever fulfill the extent of my mind’s capabilities.

I have come to believe that the other person in my dream with whom I was so eager to share my wisdom was, in fact, me. Something inside me needed to make sure I remembered the words when I woke up. That something was my spiritual faith. Every so often I get a clear-cut answer to my prayers and I believe this is one of those times. I often pray that God will help me with my struggles, and I also pray that He will give me content for my writing, content that I can use to continue my attempt to inspire others. Sometimes, if I am willing to listen, I am able to hear his answers. This time, He told me exactly what I needed to hear:  “It’s not how much you know, it’s what you do with the things you do know that matters.”

I was relieved after hearing these words. There may be a lot I still don’t know, and there may be more I will need to learn for my future, but these words have opened my eyes to all that I have been doing with my current realm of knowledge. I have been taking the opportunity to teach my kids what I remember about the leaves and the trees and the birds and the creeks. I have been using my health education to cook healthier meals for my family, talk about which foods are healthy and which are not, and encourage the kids to exercise regularly. I attempt, to the best of my ability, to speak to my kids and act in ways that will instill important values and morals. I use what inspirational wisdom I have to, hopefully, encourage others when they are struggling. I continue to write, a job which I have fully placed upon myself and which has no real obligation, because I believe in seeing the positive light. I believe that no matter how badly we might be struggling, there is always a way to pick ourselves back up. I believe in using the hard times to get stronger. And I believe in sharing these things with others in hopes that they, too, will see the positive light.

There will never be a time when I have finally learned enough, and I will always be open to new information. But now I see that simply having knowledge is not what matters. What matters most is that I take the opportunity to use what I do know to benefit myself and others.  

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What Would Have Been

I often wonder, if I had known more about military life before entering into it would it have changed my decision to marry a soldier?  If I had understood more about the sacrifices that soldiers and their families make, would I have continued dating a military man?  Would I have been okay with knowing my life would be controlled by the military or the idea of taking on single parenthood for months at a time, several times over?  If I had known that life would be far from the example I had growing up, in which my dad worked regular hours and was home every night for dinner, my mom had the help of her parents and other family members with watching her kids, and we had the privilege of seeing close friends and loved ones often, would I still have chosen a life so unfamiliar? 

The truth is, these questions are impossible to answer.  I’d like to think that knowing the answers would not have made any difference because the love which was pouring out of my heart for this man was the only thing that mattered.  However, there is no way to know, no ability to go back in time and see what decision I might have made.

The funny thing is, even though my mind sometimes floats off into a daydream and I think about these things, I am so thankful I did not know how military life would be.  I cannot bear to think that if someone had told me the answers to these questions before I chose this life, before I knew how strong I could become or how important I would be to my husband and kids, I would have turned around and walked away.  I have come to believe that one of life’s blessings is not knowing the future which lies ahead of us.  If we had the ability to foresee our futures and make our own decisions based on them, how often would we choose a path which leads to discontent?  How often would we change our course for our own benefit, only to find that it is much worse than what would have been if nature took its course? 

I do not regret the life-choices I have made, nor do I think that things would have been better if I had done something different.  All of my trust rests in the fact that this is where I’m supposed to be.  This is God’s plan.  Every time I struggle with my circumstances, I try to remember how much good will come out of me being a stay-home mom and a military wife.  When I think about my desire to work, I remember that, when the time is right, God will guide me in the right direction.  I can see now how all the difficulties and frustrations I face are put in place so that I will learn to grow and persevere and to draw me closer to God.  I think about how it is not just my life in the equation, but my husband’s and kids’ too.  Everything I do affects them, and they in turn affect me.  We have formed an inseparable bond, a unit which will carry each other through thick and thin.  I may not have known what lied ahead before I embarked on this life, but by listening to the Spirit inside of me I have found the life that was chosen for me.  I can rest my mind knowing that even if I had been aware of the trials of this life before I embarked on it, my choice would have been the same.     

A Matter of Faith

When we think of being scared, we often think of children being scared of the dark or afraid of thunderstorms.  Or maybe we think about our own phobias such as claustrophobia, arachnophobia, or acrophobia.  I used to be scared of thunder and lightning.  If they were during the day, I had to be right next to my mom or dad to feel safe.  At night, I would call to my mom to come get me and I would sleep the rest of the night in my parents’ bed.  As I got older, my fear slowly subsided to the point that now thunderstorms barely faze me, unless there is an extremely loud clap of thunder.  Now, I actually enjoy the peacefulness of a gentle daytime thunderstorm.   I have, however, developed a slight case of claustrophobia and a big case of the fear of the deep end of a pool, whatever that is called (weird, I know).  Most adults, I am sure, have some phobia or another.  But these are phobias that can be pushed aside by simply avoiding those situations which bring on the fear.  We do not fear if we aren’t near its source.  But there is a different kind of fear, one that is constantly simmering in the back of our subconscious minds.  It is a fear that we try to push away as often as possible because we know it can cripple us.  This unwanted fear is not a fear about a thing or a place or an event that we are aware of.  It is the fear of the unknown, the “what ifs.”

Growing up, I did not bother myself with the “what ifs.”  I was too busy playing or going to school or shopping with my mom.  If I did think about the future, it was either about some upcoming event I was excited about or what I wanted to be when I grew up.  My dad would often express his distaste for my and my mom’s shopping trips to the mall or for the places I would go with my friends.  As a teenager when I was allowed to stay out late, I didn’t understand why, the next morning, my parents expressed how they didn’t sleep well because they were worried about me.  Why did they worry?  I was a good girl who stayed out of trouble and away from the wrong people.  What was there to worry about?   

Now, I have my own kids.  Now, I understand.  Now, I fear the “what ifs.”  I am in charge of these two little lives.  It is my job while they are very young to keep them alive.  I am responsible for teaching them safety, which has been more of a struggle than I was expecting.  What if I fail?  What if I am unable to instill values and morals in their minds and they grow up making poor, unhealthy decisions?  Right now, mommy and daddy are their world.  We are all they know and the ones they trust.  What if something happens to us?  Randall and I have so many great plans for our lives, things we want to do and places we want to go and to simply grow old together.  What if one or both of us don’t make it to those days?  What if our health fails earlier than anticipated?  I am not happy to admit that these thoughts cross my mind, but I also think it is only natural to fear the unknown.  Children are scared not because they learn to be scared, but because their little minds do not yet know what the bright light and loud crashes are coming from outside, or understand that the scary shapes and shadows in their rooms at night are just their favorite toys they play with during the day.  Similarly, we as adults do not know what is in store for us and, because we have become accustomed to the idea that we will live long, happy lives, it can be scary to think that we won’t be able to live out the plans we have for ourselves.

Every person surely has their own unique set of fears, their own list of “what ifs” to worry about.  But military wives share a common fear, a huge “what if” that I do not think is necessary to spell out.  Nearly every military wife can vouch for a time when her husband was deployed and a non-military woman asked her if she worries about her husband.  The answer to that question is obvious, but it is not just during deployment that we do so.  Even when they are stationed on the home front, their jobs are still dangerous.  As a pilot, Randall often has night flights that go very late into the night.  Many times I lie awake in bed unable to sleep until he gets home at 2:00 in the morning.  Sometimes he tells me what time he should be home, and I’ll fall asleep only to wake up after that time and he’s still not home.  Talk about unsettling!  This fear, however, is something we as military wives learn to fight.  Instead of letting it take hold of us, we grab it by the horns, tie it up with duct tape, and lock it in a closet.  Every so often, a piece of it will break free and our mind will stray. Sometimes we can catch it before it takes hold, and sometimes we end up struggling with it for a while.  But eventually we send it right back to the closet.  The thing is, there is something so much stronger than this fear, something that sends the fear running with its tail between its legs.  This something is faith—faith in our country, faith in our husbands, faith in the goodness of what they are sent to do, and faith in God, that His plans for us are “plans for good and not for disaster” (Jeremiah 29:11).

Life is full of “what ifs.”  Chances are the older we get, the more “what ifs” we will fear.  But there is no reason our fear needs to take hold of our lives.  When we have faith, we believe in what is good, we focus on the here and now, and we have the strength to keep fear at bay.  Just as the military stands up our soldiers to fight four our country, we, at home, stand up faith at our front doors to fend off fear.  When our faith is strong, fear cannot survive.  I never imagined that fear would be such a force in my life.  But every time I hear it knocking, it never fails that my faith knocks it dead in its tracks.       

Good Grief

In searching through my old writings, I came across this passage which I wrote 2 1/2 years ago as I embarked on my husband's second deployment.  I wanted to include it in this blog as proof that as gut-wrenching as deployments are, they will come to an end, I promise you!  There is no getting around the feelings we experience in those first few days and those feelings are something we must face head on before we can begin to move past them.  As much as it hurts, the more pain we feel, the stronger we will become as a result.  To those of you dealing with deployments right now, this is for you:

In a world that revolves around days, weeks, months, and years, I have concluded that time is, in fact, the enemy.  How can four months pass by under my nose so quickly?  We were having such a great time together as a family, time that was much needed after such a long seven month deployment, yet it was ripped away from us before we had a chance to realize it.  I’m not sure there is anything we could have done about it anyway.  Time cannot be slowed down.  In fact, it seems to only speed up as I get older.  I think we did a pretty good job of making the most of our time, however we did not prepare ourselves for how difficult it would be to say goodbye again.  Part of me is grateful for the fun times, laughter, and togetherness we had.  I am happy we have so many great memories to smile about.  At the same time, at least right now, I wish I could erase them so that it would not hurt so bad to let go.  I do not want to get a sick feeling in my stomach every time I turn a corner in my house and it reminds me of him.  I do not want to cry when I think of the happy times, longing for them to return.  It is too early right now to look ahead and await his return.  I do not yet have the motivation to get into the old deployment routine where I grudgingly take one day at a time, thankful when I can cross off another week on the calendar.  This time I know how it is going to be, I know what I have to do, yet the idea of doing it all over again is disheartening.

 Looking back, it was but a mere year ago that I was saying goodbye for the first time.  Though sad, I was able to see the end fairly quickly.  I stayed busy with family and friends and before I knew it, the holidays were in full swing.  Once the New Year arrived, all of my energy was centered in the excitement of him coming home in three months.  I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.  In mid February I gave birth to our son and second child.  That was the last big “to do” I had on the list before he came home.  I was more excited than ever.  Not only was he coming home, but we had a new member of the family to celebrate.  I had more to talk about when he called.  I almost didn’t care that he wasn’t home because I knew that he was coming home so soon.  I had nothing but joy in my heart as I planned, up to the day, all the details of his return and welcoming him back home.  I do not know that I have ever had so much joy in my heart.  There is nothing, at that point, that could have dampened my mood.  My husband was going to be home again and we would be together as a family.

 Now, I do not know that I have ever had so much pain in my heart.  It is as though someone ripped my heart out of my chest and then threw salt on the wound.  All that energy I had, all that joy, is gone.  I am grieving its absence so much and I do not know how to deal.  How something so great can go by so fast is incomprehensible to me.  I know that somehow I will get through this deployment too, and eventually my joy will return.  Right now, my wound is still healing and I can only pray that God will hold my hand, re-strengthen my heart, and help me see that the end is closer than it seems.  I must remember that God will not give me anything I cannot handle.   

A Case of Identity Crisis

Has anyone ever felt like the person you once were, the person you knew yourself to be, has gotten off the train somewhere in the past and has been replaced by a stranger?  Or maybe your self wasn't replaced at all but left an empty space which yearns for the passion and sense of direction that once filled it.  I am not sure when exactly my person got off the train, but I do know that it was somewhere in the midst of motherhood and being a military wife.  Motherhood itself, I'm sure, would have been enough to send the self's bags packing.  But military life has made it exceptionally difficult to hold tight to that person, that self, who grew up with me, who created the inner workings of my soul, and who, I know, is waiting somewhere to get back on the train.

First, let me tell you a little bit about how I grew up.  Nearly my entire family lived in northeast Ohio, in the eastern suburbs of Cleveland.  We saw my mom's family just about every week, as we all gathered at my grandma and papa's house for dinneron Sundays.  No matter how many times I went to their house, I never got sick of it.  There was so much love pouring out of the doors that anyone would be sorry to pass up an opportunity to enter.  We also saw my dad's family every few months, so it is plain to see that spending time with family was something I grew to cherish.  Not only that, my beliefs and values developed as a result of such a strong family bond and also the wisdom that my grandparents shared from their own lives.  Every form of guidance they gave me, always in a loving, gentle manner, clinged to me like glue.  I listened to their stories, watched their actions, and became determined that I would follow in their footsteps.  I had aspirations for myself to have a successful career at some point, but I also knew that part of my purpose, my passion, was to be just like grandma.  She was a stay-home-mom who cooked, cleaned, canned the vegetables from the garden, raised the kids, and entertained her family and friends in her home, all with the grace of an angel.  I knew this was considered old-fashioned in a world where women were gaining more power in the workplace, but I didn't care. I wanted to be that wife who gladly provided home cooked meals for her family, kept a clean house, and raised her kids with joy. I wanted to share my home with family and friends as often as possible.  In fact, when Randall and I were engaged, I made all sorts of plans in my head about the parties we would host at our house. 

Fast forward to now.  I am a stay-home-mom. I cook healthfully, clean, and take care of the kids most of the day.  This is the dream I had always envisioned but I never expected it to be so difficult.  I have always loved kids but despite my years of babysitting, I never knew that kids are just plain bad around their parents!  The lack of listening, the fighting amongst each other, and the whining and crying makes my blood boil!  I still like to clean, but find it increasingly difficult to complete all the chores that need to be done and get stressed when the house starts to get messy.  The few times that we have entertained a party over the years have made me realize that it can be more stressful than relaxing so we rarely do it.  Not that I don't want to spend time with friends, but I have developed into a perfectionist and find it hard to have a get-together on a whim, while planning ahead is difficult with kids.  In addition, military life has moved us away from any family so I miss out on the shared time and occasions I so loved growing up. I still love to socialize, but with the stresses of motherhood and military life bogging me down, my personality has reverted to an almost shy-like state around new people.  Sometimes I find myself thinking, "Why is this so hard?  I always wanted to be a stay-home-mom, so why am I so challenged by this lifestyle?  Where is the drive I used to have for creating a home in which people knew they were welcome?"  I have always prided myself on being a positive person in a world of pessimists, but the past few years have created a real challenge for keeping a positive frame of mind.  And that grace that my grandmother had?  That is nowhere in sight in this girl!

Don't get me wrong, I do not regret staying home with my children for one second.  Nor do I regret becoming a military wife.  Both have strengthened me in more ways than I ever fathomed and it brings me so much joy to watch my kids grow.  But I would be lying if I said I didn't wonder what else is out there for me.  What if this is all I ever do?  Whatever if noone else ever gets to know the real me?  I still have dreams for a career, and I have the education to get me there, but now days it is not necessarily education but experience that lands you the jobs.  I want to put myself out there and be somebody other than just mommy, or Randall's wife.  It doesn't help that we must move every few years and that most big Marine bases are not prime areas for careers in my field.  When I worked before kids, I received recognition and praise for my work, whereas now the things I do in the home aren't reviewed by anyone other than my family and there are no raises or promotions.  Furthermore, it is difficult to make myself known as somebody outside the home when I am struggling to keep up with the pace of home life. Unable to see what lies in the future, I find myself fearing that I will never be able to find my niche, the place where everything in my life fits perfectly in place with the dreams I desire.

Perhaps this is my purpose for now and I just need to learn to accept it and grasp it.  Despite my frustrations and struggles, I realize that I am extremely blessed and couldn't be more thankful for what has been provided for me.  I keep reminding myself that although it can feel uneasy and challenging, God has a plan for me and it may not be what I have planned.  For now, I am trying my best to stick to my roots, hold true to my values and beliefs, and maintain a positive attitude as much as possible.  If I can stay on track, hopefully the Me I have always known will jump back on the train and people will begin to know the real me.  As Helen Keller puts it, "Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood." 

How have you struggled with a loss of identy?  What have you done/are you doing to cope?  I want to hear your stories!     

About this Blog

As military wives, we have been given an amazing and unique opportunity to grow in ways that are beyond comprehension to some people.  We have married into a life that forces us to be flexible and take on more tasks than we ever thought we'd have to carry.  At some point or another, we are all faced with many of the same trials as our husbands deploy, relocate, and take on demanding positions that lend them little family time.  But we keep going, we keep dealing with the difficult times because we know that just as our nation needs its soldiers, our soldiers need their spouses.  In order for them to stay strong, we need to stay strong.  I imagine that all military wives gain a little more strength each and every day. 

It is easy to become frustrated with living the military live.  The amount of play it has on our emotions can seem almost cruel sometimes, but despite the difficulties, there are so many great aspects of military life which we need to embrace as much as possible.  Throughout the three deployments my husband and I have survived thus far, I have learned that being a military wife is a gift that has been handed to me by something greater than I can comprehend.  For me, that something greater is God.  He chose this life for me for reasons that I may not yet be able to see, but I do know that it is a gift that is continually forming me into the person I am meant to be.  I believe this is true for all military wives.  We were placed in this position because God knows we can handle it.  He knows we have the strength to do it, even if we don't always think so.  One of my favorite verses is James 1:2-3: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverence."  As a military wife, our faith is tested constantly.  Our faith in the military, our faith in our circumstances, our faith in what is unknown, and our faith in God.  But somehow we stay strong, we hold on when we are at the end of our ropes, and we get through the tough times.  We have been given a gift that enables us to develop the inner workings of our souls.  We have been given a gift that allows us a chance to bloom.