When Not Knowing is a Blessing

The past few days, I have found myself caught off guard when looking at my son. He’s such a big boy now! He is so tall and plays just like boys do and his sweet face is looking more mature every day. I realize that I must begin to adjust how I respond to him to fit his growing mind.  

Why is it that I am not ready for this? Why must everything go by so fast? Why is it that we gain wisdom only after the times when we could have used it?

Only after our babies have grown up do we realize how fast they really grow. Only after we struggle through those toddler years do we realize how differently we should have done things. Only after we have kids of our own do we realize our parents were right. Only after we leave our childhood nests do we realize how much we miss home. Only after our grandparents pass away do we realize all the things we wish we could ask them. Only after we face difficult circumstances do we realize how short time really is and that we probably overreacted a little, or a lot, to the challenges we endured.

It seems to be our curse that we discover what needs to be done only after it is too late.

Or is it a blessing?

Perhaps we aren’t supposed to know. Perhaps if we already had all the wisdom we needed for life, then wisdom wouldn’t be so great. Perhaps being able to realize when and where we falter is part of the pathway to becoming stronger, better people.  Perhaps this is all God’s way of telling us to be more attentive with our time because it won’t pass our way again.

I may have taken my kids’ baby and toddler year for granted, but I am blessed to have learned the value of time. I may have regrets about how I did certain things in their younger years, but I am blessed to have learned how important it is to think carefully before I make a parenting decision. I may not have realized how much I would miss my childhood home, but I am blessed to have such wonderful memories and can work towards creating great memories for my own children. I may have missed out on some great conversations with my grandparents, but I am blessed to have learned how important it is to cherish time with our loved ones.

 

I am blessed by the lessons which life is continually teaching me. 

 

In what areas do you wish you knew then what you know now? How could not knowing have actually been a blessing? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

 

Learning to Swim

There are some things in life that are so simple and so obvious, yet we never realize them.  We take for granted the things that are amazing in our lives because we just don’t see how much of a blessing they are.  As I talked to my dad on Father’s day, he asked how the kids were and if anything new was going on.  I told him that they would be beginning swimming lessons that week.  He was excited for them and pleased that they would be learning something that is a huge accomplishment for kids.  Somehow we got on the subject of how my brother and I learned to swim.  I told him that I took lessons but not until I was a little bit older, maybe seven or eight, and I was pretty sure my brother took lessons at our old house with one of his friends.  My dad hesitated, trying to remember, and then asked my mom if that was correct.  She affirmed it.  I knew my dad couldn’t remember much about our swimming lessons because he was always at work when we went to them.  They were usually during the day and my mom was the one to take us and see us develop our skills.  It wasn’t a big deal, and my brother and I didn’t feel bad that dad wasn’t there.  We knew that’s just how it was.  I didn’t think much more about it until a few days later when I realized something so evident, so eye-opening, that I was beside myself that I hadn’t seen it sooner. 

Being a stay-at-home mom is a difficult job.  I don’t think I need to list all of the tasks stay-at-home mothers have to complete, not to mention keeping their sanity when the kids are out of control.  I admit I am guilty of finding a way to complain about everything that is required of me as a stay-home mom and I get extremely frustrated and exhausted with the demands that are placed on me.  But there is something I have been failing to focus on, something that would send all those complaints right back into my mouth and zip it shut.  What I now see is that being a stay-home mom is one of the best gifts we can be given as moms because we don’t miss out on our children’s lives.  We are there for it all, every new accomplishment, every activity, every hug when they are sad or when they are proud of themselves and every smile on their faces when we pick them up from school.  We get to see their lives first-hand.  We are the ones they default to when they are truly upset.  More often than not, the dads don’t get those things.  They have to settle for a play-by-play story of these things.  They work all day to make money for the family at the expense that they miss out on seeing new things in their children’s lives.  They know that their kids can swim, but they don’t know how they learned to swim.

For military dads, the inability to experience their children’s lives is even greater.  Deployments take them away from their kids for many months at a time.  They have no choice but to learn about their kids accomplishments through phone calls and e-mails.  They won’t let you know it, but their hearts are breaking inside because they want to be there with their kids.  While us military wives and moms complain to them about how hard things are and how we hate doing it all by ourselves (I am regretfully guilty of this!), they are envying us because we get to see all that the kids do.  We get to hug them and kiss them.  We get to be the ones they come to.  We get the glory.

Sometimes the things we think are the hardest in life are really our greatest blessings.  I challenge you, when you are faced with obstacles, to take a step back and try to find the goodness in your circumstances.  Think about how you would feel if you had to work full time and could only see your kids in the evenings and on weekends, or if you had to be away from them for months.  When you are about ready to lock your kids in a closet for a few days, remember that you get to be there, you get to see their firsts, you are the ones they lean on.  Tell your husband thank you often and have mercy on him, because he so badly wants to switch places with you!

My Strong-Willed Child

Last night was my daughter's graduation from pre-school.  If you know my daughter, Keira, you know that she does what she wants and nothing more.  I was nervous going into the ceremony that she either was not going to do what she was supposed to do because she simply didn't feel like it, or she would do something crazy that drew extra attention to her, and not in a good way. 


When it was her time to proceed up the aisle, she walked swiftly, eyes straight ahead, stone face.  We tried to get her attention to smile, but had no luck.  Okay, I thought, that's fine.  I had done the same thing when I made my First Communion.  The pressure of everyone looking at me made me nervous, and maybe she felt the same way.  Eventually it was time for her class to perform on stage. They had three songs.  The first one was very entertaining to watch.  Each child had two paint mixing sticks and tapped them together or on their bodies somewhere following along with the words of the song.  It was fun to see how much fun the kids had with this one.  The second song was a sing along.  Keira had me laughing so hard I was crying!  She was being such a goof ball up there.  I kept looking at her and smiling, and every time she saw me she would do this really dramatic laugh and then throw her hands in her face like she was embarrassed for me to watch her.  Then she would turn and make a funny gesture at one of the boys standing next to her.  Some of the other parents around me, knowing Keira's little personality, looked over at me laughing along with me.  I could now see what was meant when another mom told me that her son thinks Keira is so funny!  So far so good, I thought.  The third and final song was a little different.  For some reason, Keira didn't feel like singing along with this one and I knew there was nothing that was going to change her mind.  Instead, she stood up there doing more silly things, but this time they didn't make me laugh.  She pretended to pick her nose, kept trying to pull the neckline of her dress over her face as if trying to hide, and even lifted up the skirt of her dress a few times (eek!) revealing the bloomers we had put on over her underwear.  At this point I was a little frustrated at her lack of composure.  The song finally ended and the graduating class recessed down the aisle.  This time, she was all smiles and waves.  Thank goodness it ended before she pulled her entire dress over her head!


A few months ago as Randall and I watched Keira in gymnastics class doing her own versions of the exercises rather than what the coach told her, Randall said, "I am the worst Marine dad ever.  My daughter has no self-discipline!"  Anyone in the military knows how strongly poise and self-control are emphasized in service-members, and I think it is sometimes assumed that military children will have the same composure.  And as parents in the military, we want to think that we can control our kids in the same way that the military controls us.  But the truth is, every child is different.  Some kids respond readily to discipline, whereas others, military brat or not, will have their own schedule and intentions and no one else is going to tell them what to do.  Despite the frustrations and I-want-to-rip-my-hair-out tempers, these strong-willed kids need to be encouraged to maintain their personalities.  They have a determination that is not found in the more mild-mannered child.  They have a way of manipulating situations to go their way.  This strong will, I am willing to bet, is the foundation for absolute success as an adult.

Keira makes me want to bang my head against a wall on most days.  I don't know how to deal with her because I cannot relate to her.  I was not a strong-willed child, at least not in the same way she is.  But I am so proud of her and who she is becoming.  She has so much determination which she is one day going to use to progress in the big world rather than figure out new ways to irritate her brother.  Parents with strong-willed children, I urge you to embrace them and encourage them.  This is difficult, and I myself need to work on it.  But there is no denying that they are going to be something big in the world someday, and we as parents must not stand in their way!