For When You Want to Get Away

Lately I have been desperately wanting a break. A break from waking up early, a break from chores, a break from my kids, a break from writing, and a break from thinking. It seems there is no time or place to find that truly quiet space where I can gather my thoughts and recharge my mind. I love my family and I dread missing out on valuable time with them. But lately I’ve just wanted to escape to a Caribbean island, allowing the sun to warm my body and staring out at the beautiful blue water, immersing myself in peace.


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But then I think about how if I were actually there, by myself, finally able to quiet my mind, I would just end up thinking about how much I miss those crazy kids.

So, then, if a Caribbean getaway isn’t the solution to calming my mind, then what is?

Now that I am well into my years as a mom, I understand so much more about why my own mom did things. I understand why she needed those catnaps in the afternoon or why she rested on the couch after dinner was over. I understand why she sometimes had to say no when I asked her to play with me. I understand why she got worried or frazzled by so many things. Like me, she too was overwhelmed and frustrated and tired. She, too, had too many things to do in a short amount of time. But unlike me, I never, ever, heard her complain about being tired. She just went and lied down.  I never heard her complain that she had to cook dinner, she just did it. I never heard her complain that she wanted to be by herself, she just accepted that her kids were always with her (or she dropped us off at grandma’s house!).   

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The truth is things are the way they are. I could continue to fight them and be miserable, or I could wake up every morning and accept them, accept that I have young kids and they are going to test my limits, accept that I am tired and decide to do the best I can anyway, and accept that my duties right now are those of a stay-home mom, to take care of the house and the food and the errands. I could accept that all of these things are sometimes a little bit harder because I am a military wife (okay, a lot harder!), and remember my faith that there is a bigger plan, a good plan, for all of the challenges I face in my life.

If, for now, my Caribbean paradise is five short minutes in the car as I drive to the grocery store, or just one chapter of the book I’ve been trying to read for months, I’ll take it. With fewer complaints and the right perspective, my getaway can be much closer than it seems.     

A Matter of Perspective

“Whatever you focus upon, increases.”  I came across this quote while reading The Noticer, by Andy Andrews.  I had received the book as a gift from a good friend who said it was a great read.  Taking her advice, I began reading and soon realized for myself how remarkable it was. 

I was especially encouraged by this quote because it relates so well to my life.  For the past nine years or so I have struggled with anxiety.  I believe the reason I find it affecting me so badly is because I never learned how to deal with stress growing up.  I was blessed to have had a very happy, very easy childhood, but it came at the expense that I was not prepared for the pressures and responsibilities of adulthood.  Now, when things get stressful, which is often as a military wife, it tends to weigh me down and get me frazzled because I don’t know how to deal with the issues productively.  Over time, I lose focus of the positive and begin to place emphasis on how difficult things are.  Much to my dismay, I admit that despite the many blessings in my life, I often find myself complaining. 

Fortunately, I have a choice to change my mind and direct it toward what is good.  I have found through this quote that something positive can be found for nearly any difficult situation.  When I have had enough of my kids and they are frustrating me beyond my limits, I can choose to think about how grateful I am that they are healthy and happy. When I am angry about my husband’s demanding schedule and how the kids and I haven’t seen him much lately, I can remember that there are many people out there whose husbands are deployed and won’t be coming home for a long time.  When he is deployed and I am lonely and physically and emotionally tired, I can try to stay focused on perseverance and how our family will become so much stronger because of it.  When I get sad thinking about how much I miss my grandma and grandpa, I can reflect on the good times I had with them and how lucky I was to have had them in my life for so long.  When I am just having a bad day, I can take a step outside and rejoice in the trees and the flowers and the simple beauty of the life around me.

The things we continually think about are reflected in our everyday lives.  What the mind thinks about, the heart follows. By staying focused on the positives, those things and the feelings which accompany them will increase and we will become more productive at handling stress and anxiety.  And, the more we can direct ourselves to a positive state of mind, the less we will find ourselves complaining.  We have the ability to create happier, more fulfilling lives by simply choosing to find the positives and focus on those things.  Remember, “Whatever you focus upon, increases.”  Write it down, tape it on a wall or mirror, and read it often.  See for yourself how your mind can help you create an entirely new perspective on your circumstances.

Andrews, Andy. The Noticer: sometimes all a person needs is a little perspective. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, Inc.  2009.