How an Old Song has New Meaning

A few days ago while watching television, I heard a clip from the Cheers theme song. It had been a while since I heard that song and was happy to hear such a familiar tune. With joy, I began singing along to the words I remembered so well: “Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came...”  But before I could go on, I was struck with surprise by the truth in what those words said. What used to be mere words to me suddenly turned into an exact description of how I often feel as a military wife. Sometimes all I want to do is just go to a place where I know I belong.

It is no secret that military families move often. Each time, military wives must rebuild their social lives with the people who surround them. This has always been a challenge for me. Though I enjoy making new friends, I always miss my old friends. Many times I find myself thinking about friends from college or the ones from previous duty stations and how much I love their company. They are the ones who already know me. They are the ones who I can be myself around. They are the ones who are happy to see me. When I must leave them behind, I lose the comfort of their presence, the ease of knowing that I am already liked, and their understanding when I make a mistake or say the wrong thing.

When I watched the show Cheers growing up, I just thought it was about a bunch of people who liked to hang out in a bar. But now, I see that the reason those people kept coming back (other than the fact that the script told them to!) was because that’s where they felt like somebody. That’s where they felt like they belonged. They could complain about their troubles and there was always someone who cared enough to listen.

Because military wives move so frequently, it is often difficult for them to develop the same sense of belonging. Building great friendships is something which takes time. When we do finally find those friendships, chances are it won’t be long before someone has to leave and the process starts all over again.

Fortunately, military wives are amazing. When I moved here in late July I had no close friends. But a friend from North Carolina told me about another wife she knew who was also moving to this area. That was my first friend here. And through her, I met many other wonderful ladies who introduced me to even more wives, and now there are people coming up to me at functions to say hello. One great thing about military life is that there is always somebody who knows somebody. A military wife is never truly without friends.  

Someday, I hope that I will have settled down somewhere long enough to have many great friends all in one area. And when that happens, you can be sure to find me at the place where everybody knows my name.   

Who Knew the First Lady was a Comedian?

Last night, I had the privilege of attending an event at which the First Lady of the Marine Corps, Mrs. Bonnie Amos, spoke to military wives about what she feels are the most important aspects of being a military wife. When she began speaking her voice was sweet and dainty, leading me to believe this woman, who has made it nearly forty-two years as a military wife, surely has never yelled or thrown fits about the trials of military life. But I soon learned that the Commandant’s wife is no different from the rest of us military wives who have our fair share of complaints about life in the military.

Within the first few minutes of her speech, Mrs. Amos had the crowd laughing hysterically. She is one funny woman! She talked about the time she met her husband and joked about how, at first sight, she really didn’t like him at all. It wasn’t until he walked into the bank where she worked and asked her out that she willingly accepted, but only if he would pay to take her roommate along as well. She told us he agreed, and then shocked us all when she said, “Here’s this guy thinking he’s going to have a ménage a trois!”

She continued on with her speech, creating laughter in the audience all along the way. She talked about how she threw a temper tantrum every time her husband got orders and they had to move. She admitted that she threw tantrums upon leaving the old house and arriving at the new house, all the while saying, “This is the last time I am doing this!” There is no doubt that a sense of relief came over many of us in the audience knowing that even the Commandant’s wife has had her share of hissy fits throughout her time as a military wife. Upon talking about her grandchildren, Mrs. Amos told us that we might soon see the youngest one’s name in the newspaper because they plan on sending him to prison, at which time she playfully rolled her eyes at the thought of how unruly the child is. One would expect a child’s own mother to joke about this, but for the grandmother to be saying it was especially funny because usually grandmothers think their grandkids can do no wrong!

When the time came for questions at the end, one girl asked how she has made her marriage work for almost forty-two years. Her initial reply was, “I’m very sexy.” You can imagine our amusement hearing these words come from this sweet little lady! In response to the same question, she also talked about the importance of saying “I’m sorry” and asking forgiveness, humorously noting “even though he should have been the one to say it first.” Even after forty-one plus years of marriage, the woman still understands the idiosyncrasies of living with a man, especially an ego-driven Marine!

In addition to the humor, Mrs. Amos also spoke more seriously about the aspects of being a military wife. Specifically, she talked about having a career as a military spouse. She used her own career path as an example, stating that despite her managing experience she was forced to take an administrative assistant job at one point because that’s all she could find. But because of her willingness to take that job, she eventually worked her way up to a managing position for a real-estate company. The message she emphasized to us was how important it is to be adaptable and flexible when it comes to a job. She told us to discover what it is we can do, as basic as it might seem, but “be flexible as you go along the way.”

Another point that was made, something which resonated with me, is that our deepest learning comes from the hard times. Mrs. Amos emphasized the importance of friendships, the people we meet, and the connections we make. Sometimes the reason we are connected with certain people is because of the difficulties we are facing. In the midst of struggle, we find them or they find us, and we learn a great deal from them. She also stressed the importance of becoming involved with other military wives and with events or organizations in the military community. Not only do we meet others who could potentially become best friends, we also have the chance to make a difference. The First Lady said that she didn’t become very involved with the wives community until her husband was already a Lieutenant Colonel, but once she did she realized how much she had been missing. Now, she said her favorite part of the military lifestyle is the wives she meets along the way.

Everything Mrs. Amos said touched me deeply, as it is only natural to heed the wisdom of someone who has been through so many years as a military wife. But the most poignant advice Mrs. Amos gave, for me, came when I raised my hand during the question segment and asked what things helped her to pick herself back up and keep going when life got tough. She told me it was her faith and spirituality, and “Knowing that the reason we are in this position is because God has put us here.” My eyes filled with tears as she spoke because that is exactly the thing which gets me through my hard times. I can whine and complain and have a tantrum all I want, but that doesn’t change anything. I can’t change anything. The only way to get by when life gets overwhelming is to trust that God has put me here for a reason. This is his plan for me and there is a greater purpose for this way of life that I may not yet be able to see. I felt so blessed to have heard those words coming from the First Lady of the Marine Corps, a woman who knows more than anyone what it is like to be a military wife.

When the evening was over, I was filled with inspiration and motivation. I was reassured of the plan for my position as a military wife. I rediscovered the reason why I really do love being a military wife. I felt as though I could get through anything the military threw at me. I thought that if this wonderful woman could make it through all those years as a military wife, then so could I. When I got home, I told my husband that if he happened to be chosen for Commandant someday, I think I would be okay with it. He laughed, but I meant it. However far God decides to send us on this adventure, I will follow.

I am humbly grateful to Mrs. Amos, for sharing her inspiration and wisdom, and for the great laughs. She has no doubt left a footprint on my heart.

 

31 Days of Peace, Day 21

The Silent Voice

For the past week or so, I have been having some very vivid dreams. Some of them are strange, while others seem to be a simple reflection of the things which have been occurring in my life. But one of my most recent dreams was different. This dream spoke to me, sending a message about something I have been trying to figure out in my mind. This dream gave me an answer.

I was talking to someone in the dream, whom I do not recall, but I do know that it was someone I knew well and what I was saying was something I felt very passionately about. The words I spoke went as follows: “It’s not how much you know, it’s what you do with the things you do know that matters.” Though in reality my mind was asleep, inside my dream these words were pulling at my heart and I was eager to make sure the other person heard my message.

When I awoke in the morning, I considered what I had said in my dream. I wondered where it had come from. Questioning whether I may have read a quote on the internet and it was stored in my subconscious, I Googled the quote. I found some things which are similar, but nothing which was exact and certainly nothing I had actually read beforehand. What I find especially exciting about this message is that it seems to have been made specifically for me.

I have been thinking a lot lately about my future career path and the knowledge I have. I wonder if what I already know is good enough for the path I want to take. I wonder if what I know is good enough for anyone after being a stay-home mom for more than five years. I think about how much information is in the world and how much more I could potentially learn. I wonder if I will ever fulfill the extent of my mind’s capabilities.

I have come to believe that the other person in my dream with whom I was so eager to share my wisdom was, in fact, me. Something inside me needed to make sure I remembered the words when I woke up. That something was my spiritual faith. Every so often I get a clear-cut answer to my prayers and I believe this is one of those times. I often pray that God will help me with my struggles, and I also pray that He will give me content for my writing, content that I can use to continue my attempt to inspire others. Sometimes, if I am willing to listen, I am able to hear his answers. This time, He told me exactly what I needed to hear:  “It’s not how much you know, it’s what you do with the things you do know that matters.”

I was relieved after hearing these words. There may be a lot I still don’t know, and there may be more I will need to learn for my future, but these words have opened my eyes to all that I have been doing with my current realm of knowledge. I have been taking the opportunity to teach my kids what I remember about the leaves and the trees and the birds and the creeks. I have been using my health education to cook healthier meals for my family, talk about which foods are healthy and which are not, and encourage the kids to exercise regularly. I attempt, to the best of my ability, to speak to my kids and act in ways that will instill important values and morals. I use what inspirational wisdom I have to, hopefully, encourage others when they are struggling. I continue to write, a job which I have fully placed upon myself and which has no real obligation, because I believe in seeing the positive light. I believe that no matter how badly we might be struggling, there is always a way to pick ourselves back up. I believe in using the hard times to get stronger. And I believe in sharing these things with others in hopes that they, too, will see the positive light.

There will never be a time when I have finally learned enough, and I will always be open to new information. But now I see that simply having knowledge is not what matters. What matters most is that I take the opportunity to use what I do know to benefit myself and others.  

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31 Days of Peace, Day 17

What We Can Learn From the Changing Seasons

Everyone gets tired, eventually. We get tired from the demands of life. We get tired of the things in our closets. We get tired of eating the same foods. We get tired of the winter cold or the summer heat or the spring rain. We crave change, a fresh start, a new dress, or a new season. We desire to wake up refreshed with a newfound excitement for the days ahead.

It is not always easy to know how or when to change. Sometimes change happens to us whether we want it to or not. But sometimes we have the choice to make a change. We have the ability to refresh our souls and wake our tired eyes. Just as the trees shed their leaves, just as the snow creates a white blanket of purity, just as the flowers bloom into an array of new color, so too can we change our hearts and minds allowing us to find a new perspective, a new energy, and a new peace. Every few months, Mother Nature ever so gently gives us a cue for finding this peace.

Right now while the leaves are falling, allow your hearts to shed their anxieties. Let them fall to the ground and get blown away by the wind. Lighten the load which weighs down on your soul. Refresh your mind with this change of season. Then open your tired eyes and see clearly how exciting your life can be.

 

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31 Days of Peace, Day 2

 

Bring on the Rain

 

This morning as I stood outside with my daughter waiting for her school bus, we were surrounded by a pleasant stillness as the rain fell gently and the water pooled on the edges of the street.  The neighborhood was particularly quiet, partly because the birds were seeking shelter somewhere rather than singing their usual morning songs, but also because the rain seems to have a magical way of slowing us down and opening our senses to our surroundings.

Source

What I did hear was the gentle patter of raindrops falling on the leaves and hitting the puddles.  The air was filled with the scent of autumn from the wet leaves which had already fallen to the ground.  As I took it all in, my tension drifted away and I was left in a state of relaxation.  I looked at my daughter, appropriately prepared for the weather with her rain jacket, matching rain boots, and Barbie umbrella.  I think she was excited for a rainy day just because she had a reason to carry the bright pink canopy with her.  She, too, was calm, embracing the dreary day for what it is rather than allowing it to get in her way or alter her state of contentment.

 

Sometimes we need rainy days.  Sometimes we need something to slow us down and listen to our surroundings.  Sometimes we need the weather to prevent us from our usual outdoor activities so that we open ourselves up to new opportunities. Maybe it's taking a break from the usual three-mile run and instead relaxing with a yoga DVD.  Or perhaps rather than taking the kids to the park, there is an opportunity to show them how to build a fort inside using tables and blankets. 

Source

Today I am using the rain as a reminder to embrace the days which would otherwise seem less desirable.  Today, I find peace in the stillness of nature and the quiet pitter-patter just outside the window. 

 

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31 Days of Peace

Day 1



Today as I was catching up on some of the blogs I follow, I came across a blogging series hosted by The Nester where writers are encouraged to write on one particular topic of their choice every day for 31 days.  That is a lot of days to write about one thing!  But it inspired me to think about what topic I would want to write about for 31 days.  I though about 31 days to a no-yelling mommy, 31 days of keeping in touch with people, 31 days of not complaining, and the ideas go on.  Finally, I narrowed it down to a topic which would allow me to finally slow down after a pretty crazy couple of months and simply be in the present. My personal series is called 31 Days of Peace.  You can grab the button and follow along here:


<a href="http://achancetobloom.blogspot.com/p/31-days.html"><img src="http://i1342.photobucket.com/albums/o776/rcllwhite/31DaysofPeace_zps85801c84.jpg" /></a>

On a side note, it took me two hours, but I finally figured out how to create a grab button for myself!

 

So here is my first of 31 days of Peace.

 

Today is the first day of October.  Again.  How time flies!  This is one of my favorite months of the year because it brings with it the refreshing cool air, an abundant array of gorgeous colors, and a promise of hope.  

 

For the past four years, my husband has been either deployed or training during this time of year.  Whether October fell during the beginning of his absence or right in the middle of a long deployment, I always looked forward to it.  For me, it was a milestone for moving closer to the time he would be home.  It meant the holidays were right around the corner, which I knew would keep me busy and help me bear his absence.  It meant a break from the heat and more enjoyable time outside with the kids.  It meant that for the first time in months, I could take a breath and finally begin to feel peace.

 

This year October brings a different kind of peace with it.  This year, my peace is found in my husband's presence and our family being whole again.  It is found in the wisdom I have gained regarding time and how a year really is far shorter than it seems.  It is found in the love and gratitude I have for God for being my comfort, answering my prayers, knowing my strength, and holding my hand as I travel down the path of life. 

 

On this beautiful first day of October, as I breath in the cool autumn air and feel the warmth of my family's arms around me, I am at peace.

 

 

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When Colors Are Bold Enough to Make You Cry

The room was filled with generations of military men and women, both active duty and retired, representing all branches of uniform.  My husband and I were attending a dinner provided by the Marine Corps Association and Foundation featuring guest speaker General Martin E. Dempsey, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.  I had not known what to expect from such an event, and was amazed by the number of service members who chose to come listen to this man speak.  As everyone entered the ballroom and looked for their table numbers, the space was filled with the noisy banter of people introducing themselves to others or catching up with those whom they already knew.  I looked around the room, admiring all the smiling faces and handshakes, and began to feel that amidst all these strangers I was in fact surrounded by family.

Soon the room became quiet.  We were asked to stand while General Dempsey took his place, followed by the playing of the Colors and Star Spangled Banner by the Marine Corps Band.  I myself, as a military wife, stood quietly with my hands folded or, in the case of the National Anthem, over my heart.  But the soldiers stood at attention, eyes focused and never leaving the flag, with the utmost respect for the symbol of our great country.  As the song played, I didn’t just listen to the melody or sing the words in my head.  I thought about the words and what they mean for us.  I thought back to what I learned in History class about how hard those men fought so long ago to gain freedom for this country.  I imagined myself alongside of them, celebrating in their joy as they saw the American Flag flying high on that glorious morning.  I thought about how brave those men were, and every man and woman since then who have dedicated their lives to that flag.  I thought about my children, the nation’s children, and began tearing up as I held hope in my heart that today’s kids will know and honor our flag in the same way as those of us in that room.

General Dempsey’s speech following dinner was delightful to listen to.  I wasn’t sure what to expect from a man who is the highest ranking military officer in all of the United States Armed Forces and the military advisor to the President of the United States, but I was sure that somebody so big and so important would surely speak about something which was beyond the comprehension of a military wife like me.  However, I was pleasantly surprised.  General Dempsey did not present himself in a harsh, authoritative manner, but rather connected with the audience as a fellow service member and a guy who loves to make jokes and have fun.  As I listened, I found myself viewing General Dempsey not only as a highly esteemed professional, but also as a personable family man.  I smiled at the idea of sitting around a table with him and his wife, hearing his stories and perhaps asking Mrs. Dempsey about her experiences as a military wife.  I did not have the pleasure of meeting General Dempsey that night, but I felt honored to have had the opportunity to be a part of the crowd who gathered to hear him speak.  

Building a Better Self

Lately I've been struggling with staying positive.  The stress of the move, the frustrations when things don't go smoothly, and the unrelentless energy coming out of the kids all day has me frazzled.  But as I searched through some older writings of mine, I came across this one which reminds me of how strong I can be and how things will always get better.  It reminds me to try and appreciate the things that are good.  It reminds me that the hard times are just a bump in the road on the way to contentment.

 

“A happy life comes not in the absence, but in the mastery of hardships.”  These words from Helen Keller can be perfectly applied to the military wife’s life.  I do not believe I have mastered the hardship of deployment, but I have come a long way from where I used to be.  During the first deployment, I struggled with my fluctuating emotions.  I would be feeling so great for weeks at a time and all of a sudden something would change, causing me to be extremely sad and depressed for a few days.  Interestingly, the pattern seemed to follow the course of the months.  The first few days of each month marked my sadness, but then I would snap out of it and the rest of the month I felt strong, hopeful, and content.  Typically, a simple phone call from Randall and the sound of his voice was the thing that would lift my spirits again.  Whatever was causing anxiety and frustration would melt away.  I remember feeling that there must be some sort of voice, something in his subconscious mind, telling him it was time to call me because each time I was at my lowest point, sure enough I would receive a phone call.  Perhaps it was God’s way of answering my prayers.

I am not sure what caused my dip in emotions at the start of each month, nor do I care to remember the things that were frustrating me.  Maybe it was the raging pregnancy hormones, or maybe it was just me unable to control my wandering mind.  Whatever the reason, the emotional roller coaster I experienced has proven beneficial in the long run.  Not only did it prepare me for what to expect throughout this deployment, but it also has provided me with a foundation from which to build a stronger self.  I do not remember specifics; I just know that my anxieties during the last deployment were haunting.  My mind would race in the middle of the night causing me to lose precious sleep, I had little patience with my daughter, and I discovered that the positive person I had once known myself to be had become very negative.  I was not happy with this and knew I needed to change.  As the deployment progressed and homecoming drew near, much of the negativity subsided, but I knew I still needed to work on finding the old me. 

Shortly after Randall returned home, I began reading a book that laid the framework on the already existing foundation¹.  It talked about being content, whether it is with circumstances, self, relationships, or roles.  It also brought awareness to having a faulty focus on life and the detrimental effects of worry.  Biblical references were provided throughout the book which highlighted the theme of each chapter and the importance of God in our lives.  I have always been a religious person, but never before had I known the bible to be such an incredible manual on how to live a peaceful life.  From the moment I began reading the book, I began feeling a change take place in my heart.  The first few chapters on contentment really made me reconsider what is truly important in my life and how my attitude affects everything in and around me.  On the first page of the first chapter, the author states, “What we are on the inside, what we continually think about, eventually shows in our words, actions, and even on our countenances.²”  As my dad used to tell me, “We are responsible for what we think, do, and say.”  Needless to say, as I read through the book I found myself becoming more aware of myself and my life, and I began to feel my old self returning.  I would consider Randall’s impending second deployment as I read and could visualize myself getting through it with grace.  One friend even told me, after asking some questions about him going on a second deployment so soon, that I had a very positive attitude about it.  It was then that I realized that, in this type of situation, there is no other attitude to have.  It is our way of life and there is nothing that we can change about it.  Keeping a negative attitude will only make matters worse.  Times may be difficult, but no matter how far apart we are, we are in this together and, in the grand scheme of things, it is just a small segment of our life together. 

So far during this deployment, I have managed to keep the positive attitude I rediscovered in myself earlier in the year.  Sure, there are times when I am sad and really miss him, or when I get frustrated at the end of a long day taking care of two kids.  Sometimes I find myself getting frustrated with Randall for whatever reason.  But unlike the last deployment, I am learning to kick those thoughts out before they get too strong a hold on me.  There is a feeling of accomplishment when I think about how far I have come and how much stronger I am now than I used to be.  Perhaps this is why Helen Keller said happiness comes from the mastery of hardships.  Without hardships, there would be no opportunity to grow, nor would there be appreciation for the great things in life which, even in the midst of the hardship, allow the heart to find contentment.

 

1. Dillow, Linda.  (2007). Calm My Anxious Heart.  Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress.
2. Dillow, Linda.  (2007). Calm My Anxious Heart. p. 11 Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress.

Songs of the Seasons

It’s amazing to me how much music can evoke emotion within us.  There is something magical floating amidst the words and melodies that tugs on our heartstrings.  Sometimes the feelings are happy, sometimes they are sad, and sometimes they are simply reminiscent.  We come to form associations between certain songs and a particular person, place, or time in our lives.  Over time, these songs become part of us, part of the stories that shape our lives, and part of the memories we hold closest to our hearts.

I was very young when I realized the power of music on my emotions.  I still remember some of the songs I would hear on the radio as I sat in the back seat of the car looking out the window at the busy freeway on the way to grandma’s house.  That was in the mid-80s.  A few years later when our new house was being built, the popular songs of the time would be blasting from the workers’ radios while my family and I walked through the framework of what would soon be our home.  When I hear those songs today, I can feel the heat of that summer on my skin and almost smell the sawdust and freshly laid cement in our new basement.  I was only six years old.

The songs of the nineties represent many different seasons of my life. Some songs take me back to the early nineties when my brother and I would roller-skate in our basement with rock-songs playing on the radio.  Others remind me of school and summer vacations, friends and crushes.  Still others make me think about the Saturdays my mom and I would go shopping together or when my brother got his driver’s license and I’d ride with him learning the sounds of groups such as Boston, Pearl Jam, Live, Metallica, and weird heavy metal stuff for which I had no affinity.

The beginning of the new millennium was a time when I was big into Country music.  The songs I listened to take me back to my line-dancing days and the hours I spent at the grungy, smoke-filled bar dancing away until the wee hours of the morning.  I am reminded of the first concert I ever attended, where Kenny Chesney opened for Tim McGraw.  A few years later in 2003, I met a man.  He liked me enough to go line dancing with me, and the rest is history.  We both loved country music, and created “our songs” from the Top-20 list that was continually playing on the radio.  I can still feel the rush of excitement from sitting next to this guy I was incredibly smitten with while we drove around singing along to Rascal Flatts or Chris Cagle or George Strait.  But country music wasn’t all we listened to, and it turned out that we both had similar taste in almost all music.  He even got me to branch out and start listening to R&B and rap.  We have had some fun times listening to the crazy things these artists sing about!

In the past few years, music has created more emotion within me than ever before.  When Randall is deployed I find that certain songs speak to me, helping me to get by just a little bit longer.  I have been inspired to keep pushing forward and to think about the things which are good rather than the negatives.  Every so often, Randall will tell me of a song that reminds him of me and every time I hear it, it comforts me to know how he feels.  Certain songs remind me of the good times we have made together as a family and how much we have grown over the years. 

Right now, as we are adjusting to our new home, I am struggling to feel settled.  Everything is new and it has been hard for me to feel like I belong.  After living in North Carolina for so long, I had become part of the community.  I was known not only among fellow military families but in the civilian community as well.  The cashiers at the stores knew my face, some even knew my name.  I was known as Keira and Clay’s mom at their school.  I had made friends all around my neighborhood and beyond.  As much as Randall was deployed, I learned how the people and places in the area worked, figured out where places were, and learned short cuts in getting there.  Now, I am starting all over again.  The music I play to calm my mind only teases me, reminding me of all of those things I am missing.  The memories make me smile, but the desire to return to those times, to return to the place where those memories were created, dampens my spirits.  I keep reminding myself to have patience, that it has only been a few weeks.  One thing I have learned being a military wife is that transitions take time.  Eventually, I hope, there will be songs that remind me of this place when I hear them.  I hope to be reminded of the fun times we have created here and to see this season of my life as yet another one filled with great memories. 

A Plane Ride That Will Make You Think

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Flying_over_the_midwest.jpg

Earlier this year, I heard a song on the radio that caught my attention.  At first, I really liked the melody and found myself turning up the volume when I heard it come on.  But when I realized I had no idea what the song was actually about, I listened closely to the words.  A wave of emotion came over me and I began to tear up.  The words revealed such a simple idea, yet most of us would never have the mindset to come up with it ourselves.  It got me thinking that there is so much in life that we just brush off as unimportant because we can’t see it or it doesn’t affect us, only to miss out on many of the truly glorious things in the world.  The song, “Fly Over States” by Jason Aldean, has changed my perception of so many things, and the words which have inspired me are as follows:

A couple of guys in first class on a flight

 From New York to Los Angeles

 Kinda making small talk killin' time

 Flirting with the flight attendants

 Thirty thousand feet above, could be Oklahoma  

Just a bunch of square cornfields and wheat farms

 Man, it all looks the same

 Miles and miles of back roads and highways

 Connecting little towns with funny names

 Who'd want to live down there, in the middle of nowhere 

They've never drove through Indiana

 Met the man who plowed that earth

 Planted that seed, busted his ass for you and me

 Or caught a harvest moon in Kansas

 They'd understand why God made

 Those fly over states

© Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., BMG RIGHTS MANAGEMENT US, LLC, MAJOR BOB MUSIC, INC OBO SWEET SUMMER MUSIC

Hear the full song here

How many times have you thought the same thing while looking down at those squares of land as you flew above them?  How many times have you wondered what are they actually there for?  Or maybe you haven’t thought anything about them at all, but just passed them over without a care about what goes on down there.  It is so easy to become accustomed to our own little worlds and to only care about what directly affects us.  We take for granted all of the things which have been provided for us without having to do any work for them.  The roads we travel on, the food we buy at the grocery store, and the trains we take to go from one city to the next all have a history.  All of these things are here for us because people worked hard, perhaps harder than we can even imagine in today’s technology-driven world, in order to make it easier for everyone else.  Those farmers who run those square fields truly know what it means to work hard, not just because it benefits them but because it provides food for the rest of the country.

When we allow ourselves to see the broader scope of the things around us, we enable ourselves to appreciate what is truly meaningful.  It saddens me to know that the ones who are getting all the attention and glory in our country are the people such as actors, singers, reality TV participants (I refuse to call them stars!) and sports players who lead less than admirable lifestyles.  It is even more disappointing that these are the people kids look up to.  We need to change our focus and adoration to those who are the real superstars, the ones who contribute to the betterment of our country and care about the people who live in it.

Just because there is something we wouldn’t want to do ourselves doesn’t mean we can’t appreciate it.  Some things in life may seem more stellar than others, but those things which might seem undesirable to one person could be another's pride and joy and purpose in life.  The next time you are on a plane ride across the Midwest, remember that all that land is where the food on your table begins.  Remember that the people who work hard on those farms are trying to make a living just the same as the business men in the city.  Remember that the beauty and productivity of our country comes not only from the things people have built in it, but also from the diverse landscapes which nature carved so long ago before we even knew it existed.  These gentle reminders, these lessons which allow us to see outside or own little worlds, are perhaps part of the reason “why God made those fly over states.”  

Three Little Birds

When my youngest was just a few months old, I heard a song on Nickelodeon’s Noggin channel.  For those of you who don’t know, this is a channel geared towards preschoolers that doesn’t use commercials, but rather clips of children playing, learning games, and music segments.  This particular music segment, “Three Little Birds” sung by Bob Marley, and the video that went along with it, warmed my heart and inspired me to sing it to my little one.  And so it began, every night at bedtime as I held little Clay in my arms and rocked him while he drank his bottle, I would sing the words of the song, hoping that he was carefully listening to and following the message: “Don’t worry about a thing, ‘cause every little thing gonna be alright.”

It’s a funny thing what we as parents do for our children, the wisdom and values we try to instill within their little minds, when we ourselves often forget to heed our own advice.  I was telling my son not to worry, but to just relax, have peace, and trust that everything will be fine.  What a hypocrite I am!  Sure, everyone worries at least sometimes.  It is a part of living a fulfilling life.  We worry because we deeply care about something.  But then there are those of us who worry all the time, usually about trivial things that really aren’t worth worrying about.  Here, I raise my hand.  I can’t tell you how many times I have been worried about something just to have my husband give me the simplest of resolutions when I voice my concern.  As I venture through my days trying to be the best wife, mother, daughter, and friend I can be, it is so easy for me to get caught up in the little things that are irrelevant to anything valuable in life.  Eventually the worries build upon each other and change the focus from the simple beauty of life and the blessings I have been given to all the things which are or could be going wrong.

And then I hear this song again.  I hear the words telling me not to worry.  They tell me to wake up and smile because the sun is shining.  They tell me to listen to the birds, their beautiful songs, because they are giving me a message, a message that says to rejoice in this day and have a song in my heart.  I am reminded of the perfect, sweet, utterly content little face of my baby boy, looking up at me as I sing to him the words that I myself so desperately need to practice. 

My son is now three-and-a-half years old and still loves hearing this song when it comes on.  It’s as though he remembers those days in the rocking chair.  He even learned the words at one point and would sing it himself.  I hope that this song carries with him and when things get hard, he will remember not to worry because it’s all going to be alright. 

The next time you wake up and are rushing through your morning, take a moment to stop and listen to the birds, hear the beauty in their song, and watch how completely carefree and happy they are.  Then remind yourself, “Don’t worry about a thing, ‘cause every little thing gonna be alright.”              

A Matter of Perspective

“Whatever you focus upon, increases.”  I came across this quote while reading The Noticer, by Andy Andrews.  I had received the book as a gift from a good friend who said it was a great read.  Taking her advice, I began reading and soon realized for myself how remarkable it was. 

I was especially encouraged by this quote because it relates so well to my life.  For the past nine years or so I have struggled with anxiety.  I believe the reason I find it affecting me so badly is because I never learned how to deal with stress growing up.  I was blessed to have had a very happy, very easy childhood, but it came at the expense that I was not prepared for the pressures and responsibilities of adulthood.  Now, when things get stressful, which is often as a military wife, it tends to weigh me down and get me frazzled because I don’t know how to deal with the issues productively.  Over time, I lose focus of the positive and begin to place emphasis on how difficult things are.  Much to my dismay, I admit that despite the many blessings in my life, I often find myself complaining. 

Fortunately, I have a choice to change my mind and direct it toward what is good.  I have found through this quote that something positive can be found for nearly any difficult situation.  When I have had enough of my kids and they are frustrating me beyond my limits, I can choose to think about how grateful I am that they are healthy and happy. When I am angry about my husband’s demanding schedule and how the kids and I haven’t seen him much lately, I can remember that there are many people out there whose husbands are deployed and won’t be coming home for a long time.  When he is deployed and I am lonely and physically and emotionally tired, I can try to stay focused on perseverance and how our family will become so much stronger because of it.  When I get sad thinking about how much I miss my grandma and grandpa, I can reflect on the good times I had with them and how lucky I was to have had them in my life for so long.  When I am just having a bad day, I can take a step outside and rejoice in the trees and the flowers and the simple beauty of the life around me.

The things we continually think about are reflected in our everyday lives.  What the mind thinks about, the heart follows. By staying focused on the positives, those things and the feelings which accompany them will increase and we will become more productive at handling stress and anxiety.  And, the more we can direct ourselves to a positive state of mind, the less we will find ourselves complaining.  We have the ability to create happier, more fulfilling lives by simply choosing to find the positives and focus on those things.  Remember, “Whatever you focus upon, increases.”  Write it down, tape it on a wall or mirror, and read it often.  See for yourself how your mind can help you create an entirely new perspective on your circumstances.

Andrews, Andy. The Noticer: sometimes all a person needs is a little perspective. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, Inc.  2009.

Let them Have Cake

As I stood there, in the freezing cold Chuck E Cheeses, I looked at the clock on my phone hoping that it was almost time to go home.  As a mom, I am not particularly fond of Chuck E Cheese.  Besides it being a breeding ground for germs, it is unbelievable how much they rip you off by making you pay for coins then requiring an insane amount of tickets to get even a remotely good prize.  Either someone would have to be a pro at beating the games, or he’d have to come back several times, saving his tickets each time, in order to get one of the top prizes.  To my dismay, there was still a half-hour left before the party would be over.  Not that a half-hour is that long, but it already felt like I had been there for three hours.

Then, I looked at my kids.  I watched how nicely they were sitting at the table amidst the rest of the children attending the party eating their birthday cake.  They were so happy.  I smiled as they shoveled their cake into their mouths with their forks, totally entranced by that single piece of cake in front of them.  They cared about nothing else.  They were living in the moment.

After that, my heart changed.  I no longer cared that I was uncomfortably cold in a place I try my hardest to avoid.  All I cared about was that my kids were happy.  I took the cue from them and decided to live in the moment with them.  They are only little for so long and I want them to enjoy every moment of their childhood.  All it took for them at this moment was having that piece of cake. 

Perhaps we could all use a little direction from our kids.  Do you ever notice that when they are doing something, they are totally focused on that thing and that thing only?  Do you realize that they do not dwell on the past or worry about the future?  Do you notice that no matter how many times you yell at them, they still love you and come to you for their needs?  Do you see how easy it is for them to forgive? 

 Kids are the epitome of simplicity.  It takes very little for them to be content.  The most important thing we can do as parents is to nurture their simple nature with unending love and plenty of opportunities to be happy.  Let them have cake, let them play hard, let them run free, let them create.  Childhood is when the buds form.  If we water them just the right amount, if we give them valuable instruction while still letting them enjoy being little, our kids will bloom into the most beautiful flowers! 

It All Comes From Within

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies with in us."- Ralph Waldo Emerson

 Growing up, my dad would always tell me that if I had a problem with someone or something else, to look within myself first.  I remember taking the idea into consideration, but it wasn’t long before I went right back to blaming my problems on outside sources.  To be perfectly honest, I still do.  We all do.  Why, I do not know.  Perhaps it is pride, or not wanting to take responsibility for our actions, or maybe it is just human nature.  But if we take the time to turn inward, to look within ourselves, before passing judgment or criticizing others or placing blame on something or someone other than ourselves, we will find something humbling.  We will find that the real culprit is lurking inside of us, creating much more of a problem than anything on the outside ever could.

 When some friends of yours show you their new house, you are immediately taken by how large and lovely it is.  You think about your own, much smaller home, and begin to get angry that you don’t make enough money at your current job and it is holding you back from having everything you want.  You become stressed and frustrated as you stew over your current situation.   Look within yourself—it is not your job, but internal envy of what others have that is causing your frustration.

One of your close girlfriends just got engaged.  You tell her you are happy for her, but secretly you are bitter.  How could she get engaged before you?  She always had better luck with guys.  It’s just not fair!  Now all the attention is going to be on her because she is getting married and you will be on the back burner.  You are older anyway, so shouldn’t you be getting married first?  Look within yourself—it is not your friends’ engagement, but internal jealousy that is plaguing your heart.

 You have a successful career and are able to afford more than you could ever need.  But you still aren’t happy.  You think there’s just one more thing you need to be content, yet when you finally get that thing you realize that it hasn’t satisfied you and you still want more.  Look within yourself—it is not material things that are causing your unhappiness, it is greed and ungratefulness.

You get into an argument with a coworker about something you know you are wrong about, but do not want to admit it.  Your coworker calls you out on it and exposes your mistake to everyone else.  You become angry and decide that you no longer like that coworker and cease talking to him.  Look within yourself—it is not the coworkers’ actions but your own pride that is the issue at stake. 

 These are just a few examples of how people can become controlled by the demons which live inside their hearts.  When we fail to recognize them, we find excuses for our problems in the outside world.  In reality, no one and nothing is responsible for the way we perceive our lives other than ourselves.  We have the choice to be miserable and constantly blame the world for the undesirable things in our lives, or to look within ourselves and correct our hearts.     

You and only you are responsible for everything you think, do, and say.  Take some time to yourself to focus on these things.  Hear your thoughts, see your actions, and study your words.  If you discover that these things are mostly negative, or if you begin blaming outside sources for what you find, it is time to make a change.  It may be hard to admit to yourself that what lies in your own heart is the source of your burdens, but the great thing is that you also have the control to make a change.  You have the strength to overcome your troubles and become the best version of you. You have the ability to find acceptance in what lies behind you and create happiness in what lies before you.  You are the one who is able to enrich that which lies within you.

Reasons Why I Need to Write

1.  God

I have always enjoyed writing, but up until I was twenty-five everything I wrote was for class assignments.  It wasn’t until Randall deployed for the second time that I realized the kind of writing I enjoyed the most—inspirational writing.  In the midst of grieving my husband’s absence, I would come across a quote or bible verse, or hear a song on the radio that would somehow apply to my life and would encourage me to think positively about my circumstances.  I began to write short essays based on these inspirations and how they helped me get through the tough times.  I e-mailed these essays to my closest family members and posted them under my notes on Facebook.  I was not expecting the number of people I would reach and how much others would enjoy my words.  I soon realized that my desire and ability to write is a gift, a special talent I can share with others.  Through writing, I can take what inspires me and reach out to other people who may be going through similar difficulties.  Since I began writing the essays, I have continually felt something pulling me to keep writing, to make it something more permanent.  My problem, though, was not knowing exactly what I wanted to write about.  I knew I wanted to inspire, but I couldn’t figure out if I wanted the inspiration to come from my experiences as a military wife, my passion for being healthy, what I have learned about making a marriage great, or the trials and tribulations of motherhood.  For a few years, I quietly contemplated and listened for that voice, the one telling me to write, for an answer.  I knew who’s voice it was, and I wanted to make sure I listened closely so I would get it right.  One day, when I was tired of feeling a loss of identity from being a stay-home mom, I decided that I was going to create a job for myself.  My job would be to write.  My writing would be directed towards military wives.  I would write to inspire them to embrace the lifestyle upon which they have embarked.  After my decision, I immediately felt a sense of ease come over me and I knew I had heard the right answer.  Why it took so long to hear, I do not know.  But God has his plans.  He finally spoke, and I listened.   

2. To share what I have learned through my experiences

    Military wives share many similarities in what they must deal with in their lives, but every wife’s interpretations are different.  We interpret the events in our lives based on our feelings, fears, beliefs, values, past events, and the list goes on.  Two wives whose husbands are going on the same deployment are experiencing the same situation, but will interpret it differently based on the individual variables in each one’s life.  There will always be a wife who is moving along just fine at the same time as another wife is struggling.  I think it is extremely important that military wives share their experiences and interpretations with other wives.  By learning how other women deal with similar circumstances, we can build on what we already know and become stronger as a result.  As women, it is easy to appear strong on the outside but be torn apart on the inside.  Chances are someone we know has been in the same boat and has gotten through it.  I have been so blessed with the nature of my circumstances thus far in that none of them have been debilitating, but there have been several times when I was greatly discouraged and in need of a helping hand. I am hoping that I can use my experiences to lend a hand to someone else who may need it.

3. To share the things that inspire and encourage me

Since I was a little girl, I have had a genuine ability to seek out what is positive in the world.  Perhaps it is a spiritual gift, or it could simply be part of my genes.  I remember in high school other kids would get annoyed with me because they wanted to be negative and I tried to point out the positive point of view.  (I can’t imagine how today’s teenagers would react to that!)  But I didn’t let them get me down.  It made me feel good to stay positive and no one was going to stop me.  Fast forward to the world of adulthood and responsibility, I started to become negative.  Life really is hard!  After a while of disappointing myself with the amount of negativity running through my head, I decided I needed to find the positive again.  The group of women I hung out with started a bible study which enabled me to see that the bible is an excellent manual for those looking for encouragement.  I found several verses that spoke to me and helped me keep my head up.  I also received a gift from a good friend made up of cards with verses and quotes on them for each week my husband was deployed.  This gave me something to focus on each week and help me stay positive through the deployment.  I also have found that certain songs will motivate me to stay optimistic, so I try to listen to music when I am feeling low.  Everyone has their own list of things which inspire and encourage them to keep moving on.  By sharing my own, I feel like I can make a positive difference in people’s lives.  I have heard it said that smiles are contagious.  I am hoping that positive energy is contagious too, no matter how much misery loves company. 

4. Therapy

A few days ago, something very exciting occurred to me.  I have been writing this blog for six weeks, and for six weeks I have been sleeping better (I haven’t slept well for four years!), have experienced less anxiety, have been able to stay focused on the positive side of things, and the feeling of a loss of identity has diminished tremendously.  I think part of it is that I simply don’t have time to think about everything that bothers me because I’m too busy writing!  But it is also my therapy.  When I am writing, I am calm.  I am thinking clearly.  I am trying to find ways to inspire others, and end up inspiring myself while I’m doing it.  If writing ends up being a career for me, then I will have one happy life because it will be like getting paid to meditate!  I do hope to have a writing career someday, but for now this blog lends me enough to work on.  If I touch even one person’s life with my words, then I am happy, and happiness is nature’s medicine.  To all of my readers who have commented and expressed how my writing has helped you, thank you!  You, in turn, have helped me more than you know!