People Are Not Always How They Seem

I know how the way I act can seem sometimes. My shyness can make it seem like I’m arrogant. My comments can make it seem like I’m judgmental. My lack of laughter at a joke can make me seem snooty. My perfectionist ways can make it seem like I think I’m better than everyone else. My fast-paced nature can make me look like I’m too absorbed in my own life to care about anyone else’s.  

I am my own worst critic. But the reality is that sometimes we act in certain ways or say certain things which, to someone else, can cause us to be perceived as someone completely different from who we actually are.

Military wives often have the pleasure of meeting new faces. Sometimes they are introduced to an entirely new group of women after a move while other times there are a handful of newcomers into their current group. Though we always miss our old friends, it is such a wonderful opportunity to meet new people, new military wives who surely have something valuable to share with us. But for many of these women, including myself, such a situation causes our insecurities to flare—insecurity over whether or not they will like me, insecurity over how they will perceive the things I say or do, and insecurity over whether or not I will fit in with the group.

One thing I have noticed about myself over the years is that I am very protective of myself. Many times, I opt to stay away from the large crowds of fellow military wives because of my fears of not being included. Instead, I become comfortable in my small group of friends where I know I am accepted. This, I know, is one of my biggest faults. Allowing my fears to get in the way of knowing some amazing women and developing great friendships is something I need to change.

So I ask you, please know that if I seem shy, I am not arrogant but am just nervous and secretly hoping that you will talk first to get me warmed up. If I say something that seems judgmental or offends you, know that such a result is never, ever intentional and I really do just say stupid things sometimes. If I don’t laugh, it’s not because I’m snooty but I’m probably tired or preoccupied or am having a rough day. If you are put off by my perfectionism, understand that my effort is not to be better than everyone but rather it is a bad habit I cannot break and overpowers my ability to relax. And if you sense that I am constantly in a rush, please, please tell me to slow down because I do care to hear what you have to say.

I promise you that I will do the same for you, because I know you, too, are fighting your own insecurities.

 I want you to know what’s behind how I can sometimes seem.  I am kind. I am honest. I am funny in my own kooky way. I am outgoing once I warm up a little bit. I am sensitive. I am positive. I am faithful. I am humble. I am smart, but have so much more to learn. I am someone who values family and friendship and quality time with the people we love. And I, just like everyone other military wife, am trying every day to find my place in this military life.

Before you secure that first impression, please give me a chance to let my guard down, to get past my fears, and to show you the real me.