When 20/20 Vision isn't So Great

Lately I have been hearing the phrase, “Hindsight is 20/20,” a lot. Too much I think. Too much, because it reminds me of all the things I wish I had done differently—opportunities I didn’t take, advantages I gave up on, responses I made to others that were a little too harsh, and decisions I made that should have been more thought out.

Now when I look back upon these things, the right answers are so clear. Now I have the knowledge and experience I needed to make those decisions. But now, it is too late. What’s done is done and I must live with the consequences.

Would it have made a difference if I had endured a bad coach one more year and played volleyball senior year of high school? Would I have gotten a scholarship to play in college? Would I have an easier time getting a job now if I had taught that class while getting my Master’s degree? Would my kids be better listeners if I had set stricter schedules for them when they were babies? Would my daughter have been more emotionally prepared for elementary school if I had held her back and given her one more year before starting kindergarten?

These and so many more are questions I ask myself all the time. Quick decisions I made when I thought I knew the answers are coming back to bite me now that I have a little more life experience under my belt. But what is most frustrating is that the same thing is going to happen with the decisions I am making today. I think I know the answers, but I know that I will soon find that I acted too swiftly.

There is no way to know the effects of our decisions before they pan out. One of the disadvantages of life is that we must live it before we can discover the right answers. Maybe it isn’t a disadvantage at all, but a blessing. Maybe there’s a reason we aren’t supposed to know the answers. Maybe we are actually better off looking back on our decisions with picture perfect vision rather than having a picture perfect life to begin with. Maybe the mistakes are what keep us from becoming too powerful, too proud, or too set in our ways.

I remember a time in my late teens when I couldn’t think of one regret I had in my life. Over the years, my challenges as a military wife and mother have far surpassed the easy life I had growing up, and my regrets are many. But at least these regrets serve a purpose—providing me wisdom and experience that I can use when making future choices.

Sure, there will be new situations in which I will be forced to make blurred, inexperienced decisions. And certainly, I will one day look back and see my error with 20/20 vision. But the truth is if we knew everything we needed to know about life before we lived it, we wouldn’t have the opportunity to learn and improve and discover our strengths.  The continuous cycle of experiencing and then learning is our only path to uncovering the wisdom that life offers.

Hindsight is 20/20, yes. But don't beat yourself up for not knowing the future. Rather than living your life worrying about what you should’ve done differently, consider what your choices have taught you. There’s a good chance that you now know something you otherwise would’ve never discovered.

When One Minute Holds an Entire Year

As I lie there and watch the crowded streets of New York City on my television screen, I begin to drift off to sleep wondering how all of those people have the energy to spend an entire day standing in one spot, in the freezing cold, waiting to ring in the New Year. I wake up a few minutes later to the sound of Miley Cyrus singing Wrecking Ball, and scowl at the idea that this is the stuff America is popularizing right now. Why would they pick her above all the truly great artists out there to sing on the last night of the year? Publicity I suppose. For a few moments, my mind is distracted by my disappointment with the entertainment industry.

But the camera turns back to the ball, which is lit up beautifully. I look at the countdown clock at the bottom of the screen…only a minute and a half left in 2013. Now a minute fifteen seconds, now a minute. As the crystal ball begins to drop, my thoughts turn to the past year. Images of everything that happened, everything we did, all the new beginnings and final endings, flash through my mind like the scene in Armageddon when Bruce Willis’ character is about to push the button. I try to remember all of the best moments we had, the ones that truly made the year great. I see my kids running and playing and growing up way too fast. I long to stop the clock so I can have just a little bit longer to capture the memories. And as that ball reaches the bottom, as the 2014 sign lights up so brilliantly in celebration of the year to come, I see 2013 as a page on a calendar, ripped off by the wind and blown away into the dark night, not to be seen again.  

How does a year go by so fast? Why is it that we don’t realize that it’s happening until the very end? And why do I waste my time on things that will never matter when life is going in fast forward all around me?

Every year that goes by cannot be relived. In fact, every month, week, day, and second that goes by cannot be relived. Each moment that lies before us is uniquely special in that it is a one-time deal. Once it is past, it is gone for good.

This year, I vow to worry less and relax more. I vow to complain less about the things I can’t change and do something about the things I can change. I vow to take more pictures and create more vivid memories of our adventures. I vow to try my best to live in the present and celebrate each day for what it is: a unique and special moment in time that is mine to create. 

What will you do to more fully create your 2014? I’d love to hear!   

Searching for Christmas Spirit

 

I don’t particularly love the television Christmas classic, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. My inner desire for orderly conduct makes me want to scream as I watch the mean, heartless Grinch take away all the Whoville food, presents and decorations. In an effort to surround myself with happier thoughts and Christmas cheer, I tend to avoid the show altogether. But there is no avoiding the book when my kids want me to read it to them. Every year my words dance along with the repetition and rhyme of one of Dr. Seuss’ most well-known creations. Somehow it is easier to read than to watch on TV. And every year, when I turn to that page where the Grinch finally realizes that he can’t actually ruin the Who’s Christmas, my eyes fill with tears and I remember why this story is so remarkable.

I regretfully admit that I had a lapse in judgment last week. I forgot to remember all of the things that help me get through this military life. I forgot to remember the words of wisdom which I promote right here on this blog in an effort to help other military wives get through their challenges. I forgot to remember that I, ultimately, am not the one who knows what’s best for me.  And because I forgot to remember, some unexpected car trouble an extension to my husband’s trip caused me to have a negative outlook. I became sad, angry, tense, and convinced myself that the outcome of it all would be a worst-case scenario. Needless to say my Christmas spirit was nowhere in sight.

A few days later I realized how foolish I had been. What I couldn’t see in the days prior was that everything that was happening was actually for the better. Because I listened to my intuition, the car trouble ended up being very minor compared to what it could have been had I not listened to it. Because my husband’s trip was extended, he gets to spend more time at home this week. And because of a winter storm, we were able to have an unexpected day together as a family with no school and no work.

Looking back, I am so grateful for how things worked out. I am humbled and amazed by how I really don’t know what’s best for me. I now see what I thought were bad circumstances were actually blessings. And I thank God for helping me push through the fog so that I could see the light at the end.

The most amazing part of this story is that no sooner had I changed my attitude from one of negativity to one of humbleness and gratitude did the spirit of Christmas fill my heart. It wrapped its warm essence around me like a big hug and assured me that everything would be okay. That day I baked cookies while I listened to my favorite Christmas music and the kids played outside in the snow. I stared out the window watching the flakes fall gently to the ground, smiling at how Heaven seemed to know exactly what I needed.

Christmas surely cannot be found at a store. It’s found right there in your heart. It’s the memories of Christmases past. It’s the way you feel when you hear those familiar songs. It’s spending time with the people you love. It’s having a grateful heart no matter what circumstances may arise. It’s believing in the Guardian Angel who watches over you. And it’s believing that it is not you, but He, who knows what’s best for you, even if you can’t yet see it.

This year, may your heart be filled with Christmas spirit in all circumstances, and may you be surrounded by the ones you love at Christmas and always.