How to Get Your Grass a Little Greener

It is all too easy to fall into the “grass is always greener” mindset. And honestly, it’s true. There will always be people who have something we want but can’t have. There will always be those who have more desirable circumstances. There will always be a reason to have an envious heart.

But just because there is a reason for envy doesn’t mean we need to harbor it.

It may be a little easier for military wives to fall into this trap. It seems like every time we move, I find plenty of things with the new house that I wish were different. I think about how much better it would be if we were closer to base like the Joneses or if we had more square footage like the Smiths. When my husband goes out of town or deploys, I think about how great it would be if he had a civilian job like the guy down the street and could be home all the time.  I especially envy the mom who has the convenience of dropping her kids off at their grandmother’s house for a few hours by herself or alone with her husband. And as for the people who have the ability to take a quick weekend away from the kids? Let’s just say I am still waiting for my 30^th birthday present to Chicago with my husband, and that was a year and a half ago.

On the other hand, there may be plenty of people who think my grass is greener than theirs. When I stop to think about all the things that are good in my life and in my circumstances, my envy starts to subside and I feel more content. There really is no good reason why I should spend time dwelling on what others have that I don’t because I have enough of my own to be thankful for. And at the top of that list is a great relationship with a husband who loves me more than anything and who would rather come home to be with me than go out to the bar with his friends.

By making the conscious decision to recognize and be thankful for what we have, we can climb out of the envy hole and simply be happy for others. This is not to say that we shouldn’t desire more, but rather than sitting around complaining about what we don’t have, we can get on our feet and work towards what we can have. And while we strive for improvement, we can still be content in knowing that our grass is, in fact, very green.  

We Will Never Forget...

Memorial Day is a day I didn’t really understand until the military became part of my life. Growing up, it was just another day off school and a reason to have a barbeque. My family and I would go watch my WWII veteran grandfather march in a parade, but the actual meaning of the day went right over my head.

Now, this day means so much more to me. Now, I understand the reason we have Memorial Day. It is not just a day off of work or school. Though all the local pools seem to open Memorial Day weekend, it is not the official start of summer. Though many people gather together for picnics and barbeques and fun time together, it is not a celebration. It is a remembrance of the men and women who gave their lives for the benefit of our country. It is a time to honor their courage and bravery. This day is theirs, and they rightly deserve it.

It shouldn’t have to happen. Lives shouldn’t have to be cut short so that our country can remain strong. Families shouldn’t have to bury their loved ones. Children shouldn’t have to grow up without their mommy or daddy. But it does happen, all too often. And it is the duty of the rest of us to honor the fallen for their courage and bravery, to not let their sacrifices go unnoticed, and to remember that freedom is not free.

Today, I am so very grateful for my family. We are truly blessed to be together and to have each other. There is no guarantee in the military. There is no promise that the worst won’t happen. But together we hold our hands in faith that everything happens for a reason and that no matter what, we will be okay.

On this Memorial Day, I thank the men and women who have given their lives for our country. I honor their devotion to protecting our freedom. I thank their families for their support and send my deepest sympathy for their loss. But although the death of the fallen is mourned, the life that they lived is esteemed. They are the true heroes, and we will never forget.

Military Spouse Appreciation Day: A Letter to the Spouses

Dear Military Spouses,

For eight and a half years now, I have called myself a military wife. But I will admit, it wasn’t until about four or five years into it that I began to realize the importance that spouses play in the military community. Perhaps I was simply naïve, or maybe I just needed to experience the hardships of deployment before I could see how it all works. I needed to experience for myself the weight of living a life in which time continues to move on even though my husband is on the other side of the world.

We cannot stop things from breaking. We cannot stop the bills from needing to be paid. We cannot stop the kids from needing to be bathed and fed and taken to the doctor’s office. We cannot stop the loneliness of the nights or the worrying or the frustration from creeping up on us at any moment. But what we can do, despite all these things, is stay strong. We can persevere. We can remain determined to get back on our feet every time we get knocked down. And what I have seen is that military spouses simply don’t know how to fail.

When I have been down, you have lifted me up. When I have needed help, you have had my back. Even if I don’t know you, I know that I can still turn to you. You are my partners in understanding this crazy military life and figuring out how to get through it with grace, or at least a shred of decency! And even though you have your own difficulties to deal with, you are always willing to do what needs to be done to help out your fellow spouses.

It has truly been an honor and a privilege for me to call myself part of such an amazing group of people, people who know the true meaning of sacrifice, support, and strength. Whether we are minutes down the road or across the globe from each other, we are bound together by this military life. We are part of a network that not only holds up the home front, but enables our soldiers to hold their heads high and focus on their duties.

I have heard many times that a military spouse has the hardest job in the military. I prefer to give that label to our service members, but I will say that military spouses have the most advantageous job in the military. We have been given the opportunity to grow and change in ways we would not have otherwise known. We have been given experiences that can help us find the understanding in life’s lessons. We have been given a chance to bloom.

 Your Friend,

A Fellow Military Spouse   


See also Military Appreciation Month: A Letter to the Heroes and The Will of the Wife