A Perfect Christmas

Traditional Christmas carols, the ones which have been around for decades and are played repeatedly on the radio this time of year, seem to have a magical touch when it comes to getting people in the Christmas spirit. They paint a detailed picture of what the perfect Christmas looks like: a blanket of snow, lights and decorations glistening around every corner, the hustle and bustle of shoppers as they check off their lists, children overflowing with excitement in anticipation of Santa and his sleigh, joy and good cheer filling the air, worries cast aside, and families and friends gathering to spend precious time together. Who wouldn’t be left feeling even a little cheerful after listening to these heart-warming songs?

I have grown up hearing these songs. I remember knowing the words to many of them as young as six years old, and learned many more as I grew. They became a part of me during the Christmas season, and I enjoyed any opportunity to sing along (even if I don’t sound very pretty!). I loved hearing the words which described Christmas because they were the epitome of my own Christmases…snowy and cheerful and perfect. I couldn’t imagine a Christmas any different.

When I got married and moved away from the northern winters, Christmas looked a little different. It was no longer cold and snowy, but I soon adjusted. However, the Christmas of 2008 changed everything. My husband was away on his first deployment. As the weeks prior to Christmas clicked by, I found myself unable to grasp my Christmas spirit. All of those songs which usually filled me with joy only made me feel worse. They reminded me that I wouldn’t be able to share all of those wonderful, perfect things with my husband. They reminded me that he wouldn’t be able to watch his baby girl’s face as she opened her Christmas presents. They reminded me of how imperfect this year would be because our family wasn’t whole. All I wanted to do was curl up in my bed and sleep until Christmas was over.

Now, we are four years past that first imperfect Christmas. Since then, our family has survived one other Christmas apart due to deployment. But this year, we are together. This year, our Christmas is perfect again. Over the years, the meaning of all those Christmas songs has changed for me. I no longer see them as describing the perfect Christmas, but rather things which make it a little nicer. A white Christmas is nice, but it doesn’t make it perfect. The hustle and bustle of shopping is nice, but it doesn’t make it perfect. Santa and reindeer and presents are nice, but they don’t make it perfect. An abundance of joy and good cheer is nice, but it doesn’t make it perfect.

What makes it perfect is being able to share all of those things with the ones you love. What makes it perfect is having your family complete. What makes it perfect is knowing that even if there is no snow or you don’t host a Christmas party or you can’t see all of your family because they are too far away or you don’t do every Christmas festivity you had planned, at the end of the day you are surrounded by the ones who make your heart whole, the ones who you’d want to spend the season with no matter what it looked like.     

I know the future will bring more imperfect Christmases for our family, and that is okay. But for now I sing loud with joy and gratitude for this year’s perfect Christmas.

A Military Wife's Prayer

Deployments are never easy for a military wife. When they occur through the holiday season, she needs a little extra help finding cheer when her husband is away. Last year, all I wanted to do was hibernate through the month of December and wake up again after New Year's Day, when I could finally start planning my husband's return. But because of the kids, I couldn't do that. I'm so happy I didn't. It turned out to be a wonderful Christmas that I got to share with my husband through pictures, phone calls, and Skype.

My heart goes out to all of the military wives whose husbands are deployed this holiday season. It's not easy when your heart is yearning, but you must remember how strong you are and how brave he is. You must think about what is noble and praiseworthy in your situation. You must know that you are in this together. You may be far apart, but your hearts are tied closely together. 

This season, when you are feeling low and missing your soldier, I hope you find comfort in this prayer. Remember that he is missing you too, but if you can show him that you will be okay, he will be okay too. And when you wake up on Christmas morning surrounded by the friends and family you chose to visit this year, know that he is not alone either, but is surrounded by the love, support, and faith that can only come from you.

I pray that this holiday season, you might find peace in your circumstances, joy in your heart, and love all around you. Merry Christmas!



I discovered this prayer on a friend's blog, The Life of a Military Family. Thank you, Marcella!

A Perspective on the Past

Growing up, I knew nothing about military life or what being a service member entailed other than fighting in wars. I had heard stories from my grandfather about his duty in WWII and I knew that my uncle had died fighting in Vietnam. Beyond that, I was clueless. The idea of dating or even marrying a military man never entered my mind. I was used to being a small-town girl who lived in the same area all her life and assumed that these circumstances would never change. 

That was my life for nearly twenty-one years. Even when I went to college, I was only thirty minutes away from home and would visit often. I began entertaining the idea of venturing out of Ohio to attend graduate school, but I planned on settling back near my family after I had sewn my wild oats. But in one quick swoop, something unexpected happened that changed everything. In the middle of my junior year of college, I met the man who is now my husband.

Since becoming a military wife, I have often grieved the loss of my past. So much is different from all that I knew during my first twenty-one years. Life had been so consistent, so easy, and so expected. Now, those things are gone and I get stuck sometimes wishing that I could bring them back. I find myself weighing on the way things used to be rather than accepting and appreciating the way my life has evolved. By spending so much time longing for my past, I surely have allowed the way things were to get in the way of how they are to be.

I have read many quotes which encourage people to forget about the past and instead focus on the future. In the book The Noticer, by Andy Andrews, there is a quote which reads, “It’s time to stop letting your history control your destiny.” Though I agree with these words of advice to an extent, I also believe that our pasts are essential in helping to shape the people we are today.

For me, my past is where I developed my values and moral beliefs. My experiences are what helped to create the positive voice inside of me that pushes me to find the good in life. The time I spent with family growing up has influenced the way I teach my kids about the importance of being together. Somewhere along the way, though I never knew I would need it, I developed the skills and the faith I would need to persevere as a military wife.  I may have grown up in a lifestyle which was consistent and easy, but the lack of challenges back then allowed me to view life with a positive enthusiasm which has allowed me to overcome the difficulties of military life.

Our pasts are the foundations on which we continue to build character and a reference point when we find ourselves astray. It is true that allowing the past to overpower our ability to make wise choices can lead to setbacks on the road of life, but so can denying ourselves the opportunity to use the past as a way to influence our futures in a positive way. Our memories, good or bad, are a guiding force for the people we are today. We can choose to forget them entirely, or we can choose to see them as learning experiences which can, in the present, help us to improve our selves. 

Today, when I find myself missing my past, I remember that all of those great times were in preparation for where I am now. I consider how grateful I am for the life I had, but I also smile with thankfulness for where it has brought me. The life I have now may be very different from what it used to be, but I cannot deny that it is just as wonderful a life to be living. And when I gather my thoughts and remind myself of these things, I realize that I wouldn’t trade this life for anything.